Mistakes

 

The mistakes that we make in our life are the teachers in the journey. We  may not notice the mistake or brush it off but by taking notice and learning the lesson that is being taught at the time will prevent the mistake from reoccurring and even at greater force than before.

I have made many mistakes in my life and unfortunately as a sometimes-slow learner in life’s classroom I have experienced the harsh realities that come with such repeated mistakes. With all mistakes made and especially where they hurt another I reflect later and then suffer internally for what I have said and done. Sometimes an apology from ones heart will correct an error made against another but as a wise woman once said to me after I bruised her spirit with my impulsive, ungoverned harsh words, “I do not have to accept your apology”. That statement was a big wake up call for me at the time and has sat with me for a long time after possibly moderating my words towards others to be less hurtful and aggressive. Unfortunately, tiredness and frustration through my workaholic behavior taking on too much always, particularly over the past 25 years, means that words can spill out of my mouth with no thought first and directly attack the recipient. This is how we lose respect and make enemies of friends.   

As I have aged, I have calmed or so my family comment. They think of me as a nicer person.

Actually, I am not a nicer person but rather a person who has less frustration, less tiredness, less responsibility, less demands on my time by others wanting something from me, and hence it is easier for me to be calmer and more considered in how I behave with others and what I say to them.

The anger within me is still there, but unlike the spitting volcano erupting out intermittedly into the world the fire burns within and is now expressed through creative pursuits like poetry and other writing as I make time for this activity in my life in ways I did not before.

I am grateful to the NZ lockdowns where we were restricted in movement and in many ways things stopped. Finally, other than when I escape on overseas travels, I was left alone with time to be quiet, reflective, non-harassed and able to please myself on what tasks I undertook in the seclusion and safety of my immediate home and community environment.

For many this time was difficult, as unlike me they had no nature right on their doorstep reminding them of what really is important and how we are connected to it all.  Despite the difficult and scary controlling energy emitting from so many in the world, which would at times, especially if I tuned into the news or social media, impact upon my empathetic sensitive self, I feel I was given a gift with the opening up of my creativity once more and greater clarity in what I can offer to the world in the way of healing which seems so many need in these troubled times.

So back to mistakes. They are,  as I said earlier,  part of the life journey we each walk,  and I for one am glad that I have made them because without their teachings I would not have grown to be who I am now.

One further discovery that I wish to share in this brief essay came from listening to an Astrologer called Debra Silverman in a series of free immersion talks and interviews that she made available as part of promoting the Astrology classes offered by her organization. She talked about loving oneself and how learning about Astrology can help someone embrace their individuality and uniqueness in the world. She demonstrated how understanding our astrological personal chart can help us not only accept and love ourselves, but to interface with the physical world without forgetting the spiritual. In each session she took time to lead a small meditation embracing the theme of the session with the 700 plus online participants, and that act alone is a reminder to each of us to take time daily to be still and connect with the universe of which we are part, to listen and affirm.

I want to write a separate piece on what I gained from the Debra Silverman 6-day free immersion online sessions but thought I would end this discussion on mistakes and their value with some affirmations that were shared to us all by Debra and some of my own. Just saying these to yourself each day when you wake or before sleep may be the first step to feeling whole and happy.     

I am grateful for my life. I am perfect the way I am even if my mind disagrees. I am devoted to the influence beyond my intelligence. I am worthy to receive the blessings that the universe has for me. I believe in miracles.  I will never give up on love.